i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
