She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
