Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I am midnight drunk by noon
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
