new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
soo... how was my night?
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