It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
