and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize