no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
