the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
