she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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