He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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