Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Randomize
