is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
