Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize