my vag is so smooth its legendary
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize