Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
