Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
