i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
one two three fourrrrnication!
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
