Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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