How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
