I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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