You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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