What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
