You're so nebulous sometimes
P.S. I can't hear my feet
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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