I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
