I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
