Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
