I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
