it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
