Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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