Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
