i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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