ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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