I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
