left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize