At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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