Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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