I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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