i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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