So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
