Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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