this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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