For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
