fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Boobs are out for the taking
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
