True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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