Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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