he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize