got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize