four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
