The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
