I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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