so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
