Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My bed smells like the plague
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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