I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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