I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
