On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
