therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's shark week go big or go home
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
