this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
