I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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