Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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