I CAN MOONWALK!
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
