u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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