i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she pinky promised me she was 18
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize